Life is moving through me

Dispatch #35: I can promise you dancing & a deal

Hi friend,

I have been gifted my own studio here in Brooklyn for six whole weeks. Six whole weeks! Four walls + time + quiet + space. Life is moving through me. I wanted to share that life with you. So included here in this Substack’s walls is a song I wrote & recorded & moved to called DON’T CAN’T WON’T about (1) life knowing more than us (2) & teaching us (3) throooooough us / our bodies / our actions / our subconscious.

I’m reflecting a lot on the desire to form, shape, influence the art we make VS. the way art often bubble ups of its own volition & forms, shapes, influences us. It does so with a power akin to a real being with real hands, intentions, desires!

Sometimes the muse stands still & we paint her, reclined on a chez lounge. Sometimes the muse sneaks up on us, grabs us by the collar, & flings us skyward. The dance between one’s conscious making & this fling-happy invisible force is half the fun – or maybe all the fun?

While I usually enter residencies with A PLAN! A SCHEDULE! GOALS! & MORE GOALS! this residency has started off different. I’m waiting for notes on the latest draft of my novel from my agent & so I’m in a funny liminal space. My studio has become a space where I’ve been resting, meditating, reading, & perhaps most vividly: not knowing exactly what to do next. Scratching my head, physically & spiritually. I’m often grabbing whatever material is nearby & experimenting. One day I found myself wanting to dance. Needing to move. Not understanding exactly what it would by or why. So I did. The music video for DON’T CAN’T WON’T was made in one fell swoop on the incredibly high tech instrument of my laptop’s Photo Booth. Lyrics below.

In news related to dancing – the dancing of the pen across paper, of the mind across the abyss, of the heart across new poet friendships: I’m extending the deadline for In Surreal Life’s October session to September 24th at 12 PM EST. Which means you have just a couple more days to sign up. For my Substack readers only, I’m also extending the sign-up-with-a-friend-deal, where you can sign up with a homie at a super reduced price of $250 each. If writing in an amazing cohort during the windiest season of change appeals to you, sign up today! Magic is already afoot.

DON’T CAN’T WON’T

I got a light. It shines on Wednesdays,

and every other day I’m fine.

But I don’t mind, it keeps on fighting for me,

it knows something that I don’t, can’t, won’t admit.

Don’t, can’t, won’t let in.

I got a mirror honey, oh boy does it act funny,

it only looks at me at night.

But I don’t mind, it keeps

on fighting for me,

it knows something that I don’t, can’t, won’t admit.

Don’t, can’t, won’t let in.

I got a fat guitar, it’s gonna’ take me far!

Unless it won’t & that is fine.

But I don’t mind, it keeps on playing for me,

it knows something that I don’t, can’t, won’t admit.

Don’t, can’t, won’t let in.

I got a little life, turns out that’s all you need,

still I keep running into walls.

But I don’t mind, I keep on livin’ for me,

I know something that I don’t, can’t, won’t admit.

Don’t, can’t, won’t let in.

Don’t, can’t, won’t let in.

I said what I said. I said what I meant today.

Here’s to the relationship we have with: space / time / the mystery / reciprocity / flow / unknown murky self-parts / durable old sneakers / fat guitars / whispering / shadows / the body in motion / the body in stillness / the abyss / walls / fields / sunlight / lan / gua / ge! / prayerfulness / playfulness / understanding / oversitting / will / power / rest / the mirror / upside-downing the calendar / slowness / risk / the tools at hand / this moment / & this one.

With ample maple syrup,