What are your 5 rules?

Dispatch #34: 6. No major decisions before coffee. 7. Have rules but sometimes break them.

Hi friend,

These are the rules.

Well, not yet. First I have to give you some context, some clementines, & a crucial text message. Back when Angel & I were on tour for two months in 2017, we often stayed with friends along the way. One household included a five year old named Carlos. During dinner, Carlos told us about his school’s five rules:

Carlos’ school’s rules: 1. Stay on task 2. Listening ears 3. Make smart choices 4. Try your best 5. Always use kind words

I liked them enough to jot them down. The other day, this photograph popped up during a search for something else on my laptop. With renewed freshness, the rules struck my eyes. Stay on task. Well yes, keeping ourselves in the moment & alive to what we are doing is wonderful advice. The mind will inevitably take you in 30,892 directions at any given moment, so the task at hand is a good thing to remember. Listening ears. I think listening is one of the most underrated perfectible skills. At any moment, we can become better listeners. We can ask ourselves: am I really hearing the other person? Am I inventing a story (or 30,892)? If asked to repeat what they said back to them, could I do it? & Then there’s the perfectible listening to wind, birds, the earth (which always reminds me of one of my favorite picture books).

Make smart choices. Ooo, the nuance here. What does a classroom full of kindergarteners making smart choices look like? What does a room full of adults making smart choices feel like? This rule is nuanced because it asks young Carlos, & all of us, to consider that there are choices. To not just react. Try your best. I love this rule & use it all the time. Mine goes a little something like this: Try your best, then recalibrate. We can put forth our best effort, that’s important, but we can also learn from when our best didn’t land so well & then lovingly tweak. Always use kind words. Can you even imagine a culture that did this? What would picking up Instagram look like? What would you hear on there? What would listening to the news be like? A good reminder to double-think how we speak about & to each other.

Today we’re going to think about rules. What does the word rule call to mind for you? Sitting up straight at school? Taking off your shoes before you enter the house? The rage that fills your soul when someone cuts you in line?

We’re going to be talking about rules in an open-ended manner, in a way that allows them to be more than regulations or small vials of control. We’re going to imagine rules as containers, values, koans, places we can rest inside, & spaces for potential.

What rules do you think I implemented, consciously or not, when creating this new collage below? It starts as a fistful dropping of shards & ends as a faux stamp reading EQUANIMOUS PRODUCTIONS. How do any of us get from A to Z? What rules guide our choices, our creations, our lives?

Process of a new collage from analog to digital

That photo of the clementines & my notebook was taken at my highschool friend Ethan’s house, our next stop after kiddo Carlos. Ethan is abundantly creative; in high school we experimented with clothing – we used to sew bizarro shirts together with toy cars attached. He amped me up about my band, The Tiny Tornadoes, & generally made me feel like a rockstar. Throughout the years we’ve done multiple spontaneous art projects together, but more than that, we’ve kept each other curious, alert, & loving. I’ve learned so much from him. He’s also a father & husband who has been living with brain cancer since 2017. His journey through disease, but also deeper into love, has startled & grown me. Spontaneously, I jumped up & texted Ethan:

Immediately a panicked joy (is this another word for mania?) flooded me & I texted 10 more friends the same question. Some of my friends swallowed it down in one gulp, offering me a quick reply. Other friends negotiated: Do I have time to consider? Or off the top? I need 10 years! // 5 rules for myself? 5 rules for everyone? // Wowwww SO open ended!! Others seemed enlivened & called into focus: OMG my capricorn moon LOVES this question // Will be reporting back TONIGHT. What a delicious question. Nirvana. // This prompt is therapeutic. Within 24 hours, a sweet trickle of texts popped up in my phone:

• Ethan’s 5 Rules:

  

• Michelle’s 5 6 Rules:

  

• Jessie’s 5 6 7 Rules:

• Sarah’s Fibonacci Sequence of a rule:

• Amy’s 5 rules:

• Giovanna’s 5 rules:

• Camonghne’s 5 rules:

• Angel’s 5 rules:

Shira’s 5 rules:

Speaking of creativity, my global online writing course In Surreal Life is offering a 3 day flash sale where if you sign up for our October session with a friend, you both get to take the course for $250 each! So grab a homie & take the course at a super-reduced price! Plus - did we mention - then you’ll be soaring through this wild adventure with a homie?! I mean it’s a win-win-win-win-win! Sign up today as spots are filling up fast! Lastly, if it floats your boat, please forward this zine to a friend who may be interested. Word of mouth is how this small but mighty program thrives.

I’d like to close with Alice Walker’s Rules:

1. Death is the direction we are always facing. Because of this I stroll leisurely.

2. The right to exist is fundamental. My presence proves it.

3. I am certain that we were meant to be creative, to make love, to sing & dance & play. Everything else was dreamed up for us.

So, what are yours?

With ample maple syrup,